Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Catatonic

How's this for an 8:00 a.m. phone call?
"Good morning. Is this Mrs. Wind-ham?"
"Yes, it is."
"This is Miss Chirpy at your endodontist's office calling to verify that you are scheduled for a root canal tomorrow morning at nine."
"Yes, that's right." (Thank you for reminding me since I've been lying awake at night trying to forget about it.)
"And my records show that someone has gone over the charges with you for this procedure?"
"Yes, ma'am."(And that means it costs so much I can forget about my summer vacation.)
"And our records also show that you have no dental insurance?"
"Correctamundo." ( This is true but I'm thinking my life insurance may kick in since this whole thing is killin' me.)
"And Mrs. Wind-ham, are you familiar with the procedure?" (Oh, yes, especially my favorite part where you give me the shot that's the size of a bicycle pump.)
"And Mrs. Wind-ham, have you made a return appointment with your dentist for the fitting for your new crown?" (Oh yes, I have. He's using the proceeds to take his family on their summer vacation.)
"Do you have any questions, Mrs. Wind-ham?"
"No, thank you. I know enough as it is." (Actually, yes. If I park my car down at Mill and Valley tonight and leave it running with the keys in it, do you think someone might steal it and I won't have to come in?")
"Thank you, Mrs. Wind-ham. We look forward to seeing you in the morning."
"Me, too!" (But actually I may stick my head in the drain pipe like Cannibal the cat and recite, "I am not here. This is not happening. I am not here. This is not happening.")
So everyone call one of your friends today and remind them that tomorrow is a GREAT DAY since they are not scheduled for a root canal with Miss. Chirpy.

1 comment:

  1. Perhaps this was a subtle way of asking for prayers for your root canal tomorrow(?!?) Anyway, you've got 'em from here. I have put a reminder in my cell phone and will be remembering Mrs. Wind-ham at 9:00 a.m.! Hope all goes well and that you don't have to go back to see Miss Chirpy EVER again!!

    "Chirpiness" must be part of the skill-set required for such employees. It makes us especially appreciative when we happen to get one on the phone who actually speaks with some degree of empathy for the patient.

    Hope you're back 'running with scissors' soon! =)

    ReplyDelete